Out Of My Mind Read online

  "You don't have to say anything," Rafferty murmured, finally turning his head toward Nick. "I...I know I'm out of line. I don't know how or why...it just...I just... I'm sorry--"

  His heart in his throat, Nick leaned close and pulled Raff into a kiss, cutting off his apology mid-stream. He kept it gentle and brief, not wanting to scare the hell out of Raff by letting all the passion that had been building up in him for so long overwhelm the man, but unable to stop himself from offering a hint as to what lurked beneath the surface.

  When Nick leaned back, he could feel Rafferty staring at him in shock.

  "I guess we'll both be out of line then," Nick told him, "because I've been thinking about kissing you for a long damned time, too."

  "You... Oh..." Rafferty breathed in the instant before Nick found his mouth again.

  * * * *

  Rafferty didn't protest, didn't try to pull away when Nick drew him into another kiss. He was reeling, both from Nick's confession and from the raw intensity between them that had burst into flames and licked through him like wildfire. It was almost as if everything he'd been keeping bottled up inside had, in one fell explosion, come to a head, and Nick's words had set him free.

  A part of him was saying, "What the hell's going on? What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?" But the part of him that had been holding back for so long, that was still on edge from almost losing Nick tonight and desperately needed to keep him close, show him how important he was, won out with no contest.

  Nick had been wanting him, too? It seemed unreal. But there'd been nothing teasing in Nick's voice. Rafferty had never seen him more serious. And there was nothing hesitant in his kiss either.

  Nick's mouth offered a mixture of sensations...soft, heated lips and the arousing scrape of two-day-old stubble. It was a powerful combination. The experience was new...and yet felt almost familiar, comfortable, intoxicating. Right.

  Right, as if he'd been waiting all his life for this.

  God, was that possible?

  But Nick didn't give him time to contemplate it...his tongue delved into Rafferty's mouth, tangling with his, sending slow, hot thrums of electricity straight through his veins to coalesce in his balls. A heavy pull deep in his groin stirred to life.

  It suddenly became infinitely important to not only kiss Nick, but to touch him. He'd imagined it so many times over, had wondered how Nick's skin would feel under his hands, sliding against his body.

  Nick seemed to have had the same idea because he was already unzipping his sleeping bag.

  Rafferty hadn't zipped his when he lay down, and had laid it out so the opening faced Nick. They moved toward each other almost as if out of instinct, and in a moment that stole his breath, he felt Nick's arm around his waist, pulling him close, into the warmth of his sleeping bag, bringing their bodies flush against one another. Even through the heavy weight of his own and Nick's sweatpants he felt the evidence of Nick's need.

  Is this really happening?

  Feeling the rock-hard bulge of another's man cock against his own was another new sensation for Rafferty. And yet, he was acutely aware that, though logic dictated this should be an awkward moment because he'd never done such a thing before, he wasn't uncomfortable about it. It felt good. Hell, it felt better than good.

  Suffused with a boldness that surprised him, he slid a hand around Nick's back and tugged him closer until their mutual arousal had them grinding together and panting.

  "Jesus, Raff...you feel fucking incredible," Nick rasped, pulling his lips off Rafferty's and burying them against his throat.

  The words incited Rafferty to even new heights of desire. His mind swirled with need, shutting out all rational thought and enslaving him to the white-hot flame consuming his body.

  In the dark and the growing heat of the small cabin, hands slid over skin, teasing, savoring, pushing Nick's shirt up and off, exploring and memorizing every dip and valley, every muscular bulge. And all the while they kissed...a slow, sensuous melding of lips and tongues.

  Rafferty floated in the dark whirlpool of sensation, hardly able to string coherent thought together. Nick's body, no longer shivering, but hot as a live coal, pressed against his, the fiery touch of his mouth kissing and licking its way down Rafferty's throat, his collarbone, finding one of his nipples and drawing it into his mouth, eliciting a gasp from Rafferty when the suction became intense.

  Rafferty's imagination and secret yearnings hadn't prepared him for the reality of this, for the overwhelming eroticism of it.

  But when Nick gently pushed him over onto his back, slid between his legs, and started to pull down his pants, a ripple of uncertainty shot through him.

  As if he sensed it, Nick paused. "Is this okay?"

  Rafferty placed his hands atop the younger man's, not necessarily to stop him because, God, he didn't want to stop him, but at the same time, if Nick continued, this was probably going to go someplace Rafferty knew there'd be no return from. No hiding from. And he wondered if he was willing to live with the consequences of that.

  This is Nick, not some stranger. Nick...the man you've shared almost everything with over the past four years. Your best friend whom you trust implicitly.

  Still, the unknown loomed before him, a big question mark that both scared the shit out of him and beckoned to him.

  "I'm not sure how... I've...never done this... Never been with a man before."

  Nick leaned down to kiss him again, his lips hot, gentle, and tasting like chocolate. "I have," he said softly.

  Nick's words caught him by surprise and threw him off balance. His heart suddenly pounding, he stared up at the other man in the dark, trying to make out the look on his face. "You have?"

  "Yes. But I'd never do anything you didn't want to," Nick continued. "I never expected this at all, never dreamed... Well, let's just say you've already surprised the hell out of me tonight, so you can totally call the shots here. Tell me what you want, Raff."

  A shiver wracked through Rafferty. The same words from my dream.

  Nick leaned over him and nuzzled his neck. His warm breath sent trills of need scurrying up and down Rafferty's spine.

  "You can be honest," Nick said. "If you want to stop right now, I'll understand and we will. Is that what you want?"

  He knew he probably should be saying yes, let's stop before this gets out of control, before something happens we can't come back from. But he couldn't. "No. I don't understand how this has happened, but, no, I don't want to stop."

  Nick's voice was low, hoarse, almost desperate against his ear. "Say it, Raff. Let me hear you say the words." He lifted his head so their faces were inches apart and he was looking down at Rafferty.

  There was no turning back. Not with Nick looking him in the eyes. Not when, in spite of the near-darkness, he could make out the same lonely, desperate longing in Nick's gaze that he felt in the very depths of his own core.

  "I want you," he whispered, feeling the words slide free, and with them, a part of his fear.

  Nick's hand caressed his cheek almost reverently. "I want you, too. More than you could possibly know..."

  Their lips came together again, a mutual seeking of closeness.

  Kissing Nick was both more compelling and more intimate than any kiss he'd ever shared with a woman. The realization surprised him. But even as he repeated it in his head, there was a truth to it he couldn't pretend to ignore.

  This time when Nick's mouth slid lower, licking at, sucking, nipping at his nipples, Rafferty gave himself up to it, rubbing his hands in Nick's short hair and holding him close, encouraging him.

  Then Nick rose and looked down at him. "I want to touch all of you."

  Rafferty knew he was asking permission. "I want to touch you, too."

  When Nick's hands slid just inside the waistband of Raff's sweats, his palms callused and warm against Rafferty's hot skin, Rafferty almost shuddered with the jolt of need that hit him. Then did shudder when Nick eased his pants down, exposing Rafferty to t
he chilly air.

  Holy Mother...I can't believe I'm doing this. But at the same time, he couldn't imagine not doing it.

  When Nick had Rafferty's sweatpants off, he stripped out of his own and knelt between Raff's legs

  Needing more contact, needing... He wasn't sure what exactly, but knowing it had to do with being closer, touching, feeling more, Rafferty sat up and let his hands roam Nick's body. Slowly, he tested the feel of his friend's ripped abs, his sleek, hairless pecs, then back down again, following the line of his hips to his lightly furred thighs, and finally slipping around to stroke the soft skin over rippling muscle of his ass.

  Nick held his arms out to the side and let Rafferty explore without pushing for more. But when Rafferty pressed his face against Nick's groin and took a deep breath to soak up the masculine smell that made his own cock twitch in eager need, Nick huffed out a soft breath and gripped Raff's shoulders.

  His turgid shaft brushed Rafferty's cheek, hard and sleek. The rocking of the boat beneath them played a game with it, sliding it up and down, bringing it closer and closer to his lips. When he turned his head and the crown brushed over his lips at last, he opened his mouth and teased his tongue over the tip, surprised...and yet not...to taste a bead of slick, salty dampness.

  "Oh, my...unnh, God, Raff..."

  Nick's hands burrowed into his hair and cradled the back of his head, offering all the encouragement Rafferty needed.

  He held the younger man's hips in place and licked again, across Nick's slit. Then he eased his tongue around the ridge of the corona, knowing what felt good to him when he touched himself and trying to translate that into what his tongue did to Nick. Nick's masculinity seeped through his senses, hard, alluring...so very different from the softer curves, scents, tastes of a woman. Better. Damn it all, it was better.

  Nick shuddered and his hands tightened in Rafferty's hair, his fingers flexing and releasing against his scalp. "More," he moaned. "Please..."

  The words rippled through Rafferty, settling in the depths of his belly. Spurred to continue, he broadened his path, exploring the full length of Nick's thick, veiny shaft, admiring the sleekness of hot skin pulled like tight satin over even hotter steel. He licked his way down the length of it, tasting a hint of salt from Nick's dunking in the ocean, nuzzled his nose in the moist warm curls at its base, tongued his heavy sac, growing drunker by the moment on his friend's musky arousal.

  A part of him was shocked at his own open willingness, but at the same time, as it had been from the moment Nick had kissed him, it just felt like it was meant to be.

  By the time he'd worked his way back out to the tip of Nick's swollen cock, the man was shaking, and soft, panting breaths escaped him.

  Rafferty didn't need to hear any words to know what Nick wanted. And he didn't hesitate to give it. After lapping up several newly emerged drops of salty fluid, Rafferty opened his mouth wide and eased it over the head and down onto Nick's pulsing dick.

  Nick groaned, then groaned again, louder, as Rafferty took him deeper.

  He wasn't certain what he'd expected, how it would feel to have a cock in his mouth, lying heavy against his tongue, prodding against the back of this throat. His first instinctive reaction had been to gag, but that had passed quickly as he relaxed his throat and, more importantly, as Nick's appreciative moans and the way his hips thrust toward Rafferty, anxious and needy, overpowered everything but the desire to please Nick. To give the man the best damned cocksucking he'd ever had.

  Rafferty wrapped the fingers of his right hand around the base of Nick's erection, and began to move his hand up and down slowly, in counterpoint to the sucking, and the in and out motions of his mouth.

  Nick shuddered and shook, then cried out as Rafferty used his other hand to gently squeeze and roll his balls.

  "Fucking hell, Raff...I'm not...unnh... I'm not going to last long like this. So...so damned good."

  His own cock and balls aching like a sonofabitch, dizzy from the sound of Nick's desire, his smell, the taste of his cum trickling against his tongue, Rafferty groaned, feeling the vibration against Nick's cock.

  "Oh...God!"

  Nick's balls tightened and his hips began to thrust, pushing his prick farther down Raff's throat.

  Rafferty groaned again, realizing the effect it was having on the other man, suddenly feeling a sense of power he'd never known before.

  "Raff! I'm... Shit..."

  He knew Nick was trying to warn him he was close, in case he wanted to pull away, but nothing in the world could have stopped him now. He wanted Nick to come in his mouth. Needed to feel and taste and swallow that part of Nick, and know he was responsible for making his friend lose control.

  I want you to want me, Nick. The thought hit him hard with its honesty.

  When Nick seemed to realize Rafferty had no intention of pulling off, his hands tightened in Raff's hair and, with desperate thrusts, he fucked Rafferty's mouth hard and fast.

  Rafferty hummed and rubbed Nick's balls, supremely aroused himself at Nick's sensual frenzy.

  "God... never... needed... anyone... this... much," Nick gasped. "Raff...ahhhh, fuck...."

  The first wave of hot fluid filled Rafferty's mouth and throat. Even though he'd known it was coming, it still managed to catch him by surprise and he barely remembered to swallow in time before it gagged him. And then there was more...and more. He swallowed and swallowed as fast as he could, but felt trickles of it seeping out the corners of his mouth.

  Some tiny voice in the back of his brain told him he should be shocked at what he was doing...thirty-five years old and after a lifetime spent with women, he was not only sucking his best friend's cock, letting him shoot his load in his mouth, he was getting off on it. He'd never been more turned on in his life.

  When Nick convulsed a final time and his body relaxed, Rafferty released him.

  Before any kind of awkward silence could form between them, Nick cupped his chin and tilted his head up. Then he leaned down and brushed his warm lips against Rafferty's. Rafferty felt the tip of Nick's tongue licking at the corners of his mouth, lapping up the remains of Nick's cum.

  A powerful quake of desire rocked Rafferty from deep within.

  And then Nick was pressing him backward until he was on his back and Nick was lying half-next-to and half-atop him.

  "You've never been with a man before?" he murmured, his voice breathless with sated lust but also something that sounded akin to shock.

  "No." Rafferty had a quick moment of fear that maybe he hadn't measured up.

  But Nick's next words laid his worry to rest. "Jesus, Rafferty...your mouth's a fricking national treasure."

  The comment, and the warm, intimate tone of Nick's voice filled him with an inexplicable high. A pleased smile curved Raff's lips.

  "Damn, I love your smile," Nick said.

  "It's dark...how can you tell if I'm smiling." He still was. Bigger now.

  Nick's soft laughter sent a new trill of excitement through Rafferty. "Four years as your partner and best friend, four years of wanting you...it kind of gives a man a lot of time to pay attention to every detail, to anticipate your reactions."

  "You wanted... Four years?" Holy God...had Nick really wanted him that long?

  "Oh, yeah. Does that surprise you?"

  Rafferty could hardly breath he was so surprised. "Yeah," he whispered.

  Nick's hands, warm and gentle, caressed his chest, his stomach, his hips, avoided his painfully hard cock as they slid down either side of his groin, then paused on his thighs. Nick's body moved between Rafferty's legs, then he pushed them apart.

  The gentle touch of fingertips against Rafferty's cockhead startled him and caused him to suck in his breath.

  "Did you think I'd forgotten about this?" Nick asked, his voice steeped with promise. "Because I didn't. We have a lot of time to make up for Rafferty Jones. And I plan to make you so damned crazy you won't be able to look at me ever again without remembering how good we are togeth
er."

  Rafferty gasped as the hot dampness of Nick's tongue rasped along his shaft. "Oh...God...yes."

  Chapter 5

  * * *

  Having Rafferty flat on his back in bed, his legs spread, his cock standing like a granite monolith, waiting for Nick's attention was like something from one of Nick's best and hottest fantasies.

  Except this time Rafferty was real. Nick's cock was still buzzing from the shockingly spectacular blowjob Raff had given him, reminding him in psychedelic color that the man was most definitely here and real.

  "Have I ever told you what a damned sexy man you are?" Nick asked him.

  He heard a soft huff of breath from Raff. It could have been laughter or it could have been shock...he couldn't see his face clearly to know for sure.

  "No," he rasped. "I... No."

  Shock. Nick heard it in his voice.

  "I'm kind of old to be sexy, aren't I?"

  He sounded sincere. Surprised and sincere. For God's sake, did the man not realize what a truly spectacular sight he was? Typical down-to-earth, practical Raff.

  "Where the hell'd you come up with that idea?" Nick demanded. "Since when is thirty-five old?"

  "You call me 'old man.'"

  "Yeah, 'cause you call me 'kid.' Paybacks are hell. But in case you hadn't noticed...I'm not a kid." Nick wrapped a hand around Rafferty's cock and gave it a slow, tip-to-root stroke that elicited a strangled moan from Rafferty. "I haven't been one in a very long time." Another stroke. "And you aren't going to be old for a very long time."

  "You're still in your twenties."

  "Not for much longer, but your point?"

  "I'm older than you. By several years."

  Nick sighed. "You told me earlier today you weren't letting what happened with Candace get to you."

  "I'm not. What's that got to do with anything?"

  "If I can be blunt here...Candace is a bitch. I don't know why she's shacking up with a twenty-year-old numbers geek--"