Out Of My Mind Read online

  "He's twenty-four."

  "Fine. Whatever. I don't know why she's shacking up with him, but I'd bet my last dime it has nothing to do with his age and everything to do with how big his investment portfolio is or how big she thinks he can help her make her portfolio. She's got her eye set on being rich and she'd have slept with someone warty and twice your age if she thought it could get her there. Now..." Nick leaned down and captured Raff's mouth in a kiss, then moved along his jawline and sucked his earlobe. "Back to where we were. You told me you're older than I am. Yeah, you are. And you're hotter, too."

  A soft snort escaped Rafferty's mouth. "You don't have to humor me. I've been around long enough that I don't require flattery."

  Nick dragged his erection along Rafferty's groin in a slow motion that rubbed their bare cocks together. "Does this feel like flattery? I'm hard as a rock again already, Raff. Because of you. Because I want you that much."

  A series of soft groans was his only response for several long seconds as he continued the motion, savoring the feel of Raff's jutting heat against his own.

  "I just...I don't understand why."

  "Why?"

  "Why...me. You're young, attractive, you have everything going for you. I'm a thirty-something, divorced, straight man--or at least I thought I was until recently. I don't understand why you would've wanted me all this time."

  "You mean aside from the fact you're my partner, my best friend, one of the smartest, most compassionate, not to mention sexiest men I've ever known, and the one person in the world I'd gladly spend every minute with?

  "But you could find someone who's not a practical stick-in-the-mud whose never ventured far from Maine, and wouldn't know which fork to use at a proper dinner party, or who the hell Hugo Boss or Manolo Blah-something-or-other are.

  Nick scowled down at him. "Since when do you give a crap about that stuff? That's Candace and her complaints talking again, not you. And I'm originally a farm boy from Kansas, remember? I spent my formative years shoveling cow shit and tooling around the countryside in a rusted-out pickup truck with springs poking through the seat big enough to skewer a person a new asshole. I've never been to a 'proper' dinner party in my life unless you count the Sunday pot-lucks at my parents' church. And I'm not much sure I ever want to go to one."

  He shook his head and nuzzled Rafferty's neck. "You stupid ass. I don't want some stylish, self-centered, pampered boy." He worked his way down Raff's chest with his lips, circled his navel with his tongue, then lower still, to lap up the stream of pre-cum oozing from his cock, smiling when Raff's hips lifted off the bed and he gasped.

  "I want you, Rafferty Jones. Practical Maine cop and my sexy-as-hell best friend." He slicked his tongue across Raff's cockhead again, and while Raff was busy groaning, Nick teased a finger below his balls and along his crack.

  Raff's quick intake of breath and his sudden stillness, as if he were frozen, waiting to see what would happen next, sent a sharp jolt of need straight to Nick's own groin. A sudden vision of Raff's legs up against his chest and him thrusting into his friend's ass, filling him hard and deep, riding him until they were both shaking and out of their minds with lust filled his head.

  Breathing hard, Nick forced himself under control. That wasn't going to happen tonight, no matter how much he wanted it. He had no condoms and lube with him and wasn't even going to attempt it without them for Raff's first time. When it happened, he wanted it to be as good as possible for Raff. Because you want him to keep wanting you. You don't want to scare him off.

  No, God, no, he didn't want to scare him off. Nick was still reeling over the fact they were here doing this at all. Still reeling over the discovery Rafferty had been thinking about and dreaming about him, that he wanted to be with him in a way above and beyond friendship, so hell, no, he didn't want to scare him off. He'd wanted this for too long.

  But just because he didn't plan on fucking Rafferty tonight didn't mean he couldn't introduce him to certain other pleasures.

  "Do you trust me?" he asked Raff, keeping his voice soft.

  He heard a few whispered intakes of breath. "Yes."

  "Then roll over onto your stomach."

  Rafferty did as he asked, and it pleased Nick that what he felt radiating off Raff was anticipation, not fear or uncertainty.

  He straddled Raff's hips and began to knead his shoulders and back with firm, gentle pushes.

  Rafferty groaned, a sound of appreciation. "Holy Mother, that feels good."

  Nick grinned and continued, working his way slowly down Raff's back, until the man's muscles grew pliable and relaxed under his hands. Then he moved to his ass, working it over, but at that point he felt Raff's relaxation shift into something else. A subtle quiver when Nick let his fingers brush against his crack. Another one when he moved lower and teased a thumb over the rough, warm skin of his heavy sac.

  Nick scooted backward and massaged Raff's muscular thighs and calves, being gentler on his left leg, feeling the smooth scars from the various surgeries Raff had had after the accident against his fingertips. Then he moved back up to linger at his ass. And Raff seemed to respond with even more tightly strung tension this time, as if every time Nick touched him, stroked a finger along his crease, scraped his fingernails lightly over his balls, his touch zinged electricity into Raff's body.

  When Rafferty began to squirm in earnest, and Nick was harder than ever thanks to Raff's responsive body, Nick grasped his friend around the waist and pulled upward. "Get up on your knees," he said, his own voice so husky and thick with desire he almost didn't recognize it.

  Rafferty slid his knees forward and raised up.

  "This okay? It's not hurting your leg, is it?"

  "It's fine." Raff's voice sounded as thick as his own.

  Nick stroked Rafferty's back, then slid his hands down to fondle his ass. "I'm going to make you feel good, Raff. In ways you've never felt good before."

  Rafferty's trembling response filled Nick with a satisfaction he hadn't felt in a very long time. Maybe never. It hit him suddenly that it had never been more important to him to please a lover.

  At the first touch of his tongue to Rafferty's crease, Rafferty jumped in surprise...but he didn't pull away. Nick smiled and dragged his tongue along the indentation...up, down a few times. Then he spread Raff's cheeks apart, and traced down it again, this time letting his tongue flick over the puckered opening. Raff jerked again. "Oh, Jesus God," Nick thought he heard Raff mumble.

  Damn, the man was responsive. And hot as hell. And suddenly Nick didn't think he could get enough. He delved into his mission in earnest, dragging his tongue over and around Raff's opening again and again, loving the way Raff's breathing grew more ragged every moment, the way his body shuddered, the way he began to thrust his hips back toward Nick's mouth, silently begging for more.

  He reached between Raff's legs and, at the same moment he wrapped his hand around Rafferty's impossibly hard cock, he timed it so he breached Raff's opening for the first time, spearing his tongue slowly into it.

  Rafferty's response was instantaneous and explosive. His entire body shuddered, and he gasped. "Holy...God!"

  That's it, you beautiful, sexy man. I promised you'd feel good. I could spend the rest of my life making you feel good.

  Almost dizzy with pleasure at Raff's reaction, Nick continued to tongue Rafferty and pull and squeeze his cock.

  He knew the moment Rafferty was about to lose it...Raff's balls tightened, his body tensed. Nick drove his tongue as deeply as possible into Raff's tight, hot channel...and with a ragged half-groan/half-growl that sounded like, "Oh, Jesus, Nick!" Rafferty went over the edge, pumping jets of hot cum against Nick's hand and the berth.

  When he'd spurted his last and let out a shuddered sigh, Nick released his cock and pressed a gentle kiss against his lower back.

  Then Rafferty rolled over, and in a move that surprised Nick with its intensity, he pulled Nick down atop him, reached between them, fisted Nick's own heavy
, aching cock, and began to jack him off.

  "Oh, shit," Nick gasped, shocked at this turn of events, but not about to complain. He braced himself with a hand on either side of Rafferty's head, closed his eyes, and gave himself up to the hard, insistent motions that were exactly what he needed and wanted right now.

  Within seconds he was on the verge of explosion, and when he came in a powerful burst that nearly seared his balls and cock, Rafferty, like a man filled with desperation to never let him go, pulled him down into an open-mouthed kiss and swallowed his cries.

  Spent, Nick collapsed against Raff, his head on his chest. They stayed like that for long moments, not saying anything, catching their breath.

  Eventually Rafferty rolled to his side, taking Nick with him, until they lay side by side, facing one another, their bodies entwined.

  Raff was being awfully quiet, and after the intensity of his hand-job and kiss earlier, Nick wondered what was going through his head. He brushed his palm over Raff's stubbled cheek. "You okay?"

  Raff nodded slowly. "There at the last...I couldn't seem to stop myself. After what you did for me... I just wanted..."

  He seemed to be having trouble getting out the words.

  "You wanted to make me feel good again, too?"

  "Yeah. And I didn't want it to end." The soft, raspy-voiced confession sounded like it had been pulled from the depths of Rafferty's soul. The honesty of it, coming from the man who so often kept his emotions close to his vest, ribboned through Nick and settled in his heart.

  For the first time in a long time, Nick didn't know what to say. Everything that came to mind sounded too sappy or bordered too closely on him spilling all that had been in his heart about this man for a long time. And he didn't want to do that. It was too soon and this was all too new and fragile. He had a gut feel it might send Rafferty running for the hills. So instead he pulled Raff into his arms, kissed him with what he hoped Raff could feel was his own desire to never have any of this end between them, and just held him close.

  They lay like that for several minutes, letting the gentle rocking of the boat lull them, and listening to the rain falling. It sounded like it had eased up some and was more a steady patter now than a downpour

  "I suppose we should clean up," Nick murmured.

  "Mmm. Don't want to move."

  Neither did Nick, to be honest. He was enjoying the hell out of the way Raff's leg felt so right wedged between his, the way his callused, yet gentle hand traced aimless patterns on Nick's back. But he knew they'd be more comfortable if they washed off the sticky remains of their mingled fluids.

  He extricated himself from the comfortable embrace, and, with a groan, sat up and rolled off the berth.

  "Now you're groaning like an old man," Raff said, his voice still a little raspy, but laced with a comfortable, intimate humor that stirred a warm rush in Nick's chest.

  God...did he dare hope what they'd started here tonight might go somewhere? Might lead to something lasting, where he'd get the chance to hear that sated tone in Raff's voice every night. For the rest of our lives? He swallowed back the lump of emotion that seemed to suddenly choke him. He knew better than to rush things. Knew one night didn't a lifetime make. But damn it, it had been a long time since he'd been in a relationship, and even that one, long-term though it had been, had been nothing compared to what Nick sensed he and Rafferty could have.

  Because you love him.

  Yes. Because he loved him. But he had to give Raff time. Raff had never slept with a man before, much less embarked on a relationship with one. A relationship that, if he chose to pursue it, would bring a whole lot of new challenges to Rafferty's life. And Nick knew him well enough to know Rafferty wasn't big on change. Raff might be relaxed right now, floating on the afterburn of their lovemaking, here on the isolated boat. But how would he feel tomorrow, when they returned to civilization? Or Monday, when they went back to work and were surrounded by their friends and co-workers?

  Nick knew what it was like to feel the censure of colleagues' gazes, to be labeled and have people forget that you were still the exact same person you'd always been, but once they found out you were gay, all the hard work you'd done before suddenly no longer seemed to matter...the only thing that mattered was who you were fucking.

  That was a different situation. With different people. A different dynamic.

  Yeah, it was. But that didn't mean it wasn't still an uphill battle even in the best of workplaces. Even if they tried to keep it quiet, with them working side by side, day after day, there was no way someone wouldn't notice something. Hell, when you were in love with someone you couldn't help but show it when you looked at the other person, in the way you spoke to them or touched them. And, damn it, wasn't it supposed to be that way? But for Raff, who'd, from what he'd said earlier, had always been straight and had only recently discovered his attraction to another man...being out at work, being out period, could be very difficult for him.

  Too difficult? Like impossible? Like Raff might prefer to pretend this never happened?

  Nick didn't know, but he couldn't deny it was a possibility and something he might very well have to accept.

  How would it feel to love the man, and now have a taste of what it was like to be with him, but never again be able to touch him? To kiss him?

  A tight band squeezed around his chest.

  Don't get ahead of yourself. Just take it one day at a time.

  He dragged in a deep breath and released it slowly, trying to let his worries go with it.

  Enjoy what you've got here tonight. Time will sort it out.

  God he hoped so.

  Nick pulled a washrag off the shelf in the head, soaked it with warm water, and returned to the berth.

  "I don't want to hear any crap about me groaning," he said with a smile, sitting down next to his friend, and doing his damnedest not to let his momentary bout of fear show. "I notice I'm the one who actually did get out of bed."

  Rafferty had rolled to his back. "Of course you did. I knew all along you would. One of the first things you learn when you've been around a while...always let the young guys do the grunt work."

  Nick chuckled as he ran the cloth over Rafferty's abdomen and, more gently, around his groin. "Smart ass. I'm remembering that. And the next time you give me the crappy paperwork to do on a case, I'm conveniently going to be busy with something else and you're going to have to do it yourself. It'll be good for you. Character building. Isn't that what you always tell me?"

  "And look at what a fine character you've developed."

  Nick snorted. "Yeah, suck up to me. It's not going to work. You've confessed and I know your secret now." Then he leaned down to press a kiss against Raff's all-too-delicious mouth. "I learned more than one secret about you tonight, Detective Jones, and I plan on learning all the rest as well. It's just a matter of time."

  Rafferty's soft, low laugh sent a new spike of need through Nick and he wondered how in the hell he could possibly want the man again so soon.

  "What, are you planning to torture them out of me?" Rafferty asked.

  Nick quickly dragged the cooling washrag over his own body, threw it on the floor, then climbed back into the berth next to Rafferty and pulled one of the unzipped and open sleeping bags on top of them.

  Raff had once again turned onto his side facing Nick. Nick lifted a leg over Raff's hips, and tugged him close. "Yeah...torture of the most intimate kind." He instigated another kiss, this one slower, deeper, their tongues lashing and thrusting together, until they had to pull away to catch their breath. "And when I'm done with you, you're going to be putty in my hands and willing to do whatever I want."

  Rafferty's breath was warm against his lips, his body even warmer pressed against Nick's. "I think I already am," he said.

  Chapter 6

  * * *

  "Crew... Out...Mind...okay?"

  The scattered words bled through Rafferty's dreams, bringing him to a semi-awake state, but not really to t
he point where he could pry his eyes open or figure out what the warm, heavy weight around his waist and the heat coming from behind him were and why they felt so good.

  "I repeat. ...Coast Guard. ...Out Of My Mind...okay?"

  That time Raff caught more of the odd words, but still couldn't put them or the tinny-sounding voice into context. His mind felt fuzzy, still clogged with sleep, and not quite hitting on all cylinders, even though he was, in fact, awake now. He stretched and opened his eyes.

  Daylight seeped through the small rectangular windows that lined the cabin of the boat and the acrylic hatch window directly above the berth...not a sunny warm daylight, but a gray, ominous one. He couldn't see anything from where he lay on his side except the white-painted inside hull and the wooden shelf built against it that contained a battery-operated digital clock, which showed in glowing red numbers it was 8:35 a.m. But the sight of the boat, combined with the weight of the arm draped over his waist, and the masculine form snuggled against his back, radiating heat like an oven, brought back, in one swift rush, memories of nude bodies, intimate kisses, hard cocks slick with jizz, warm hands, even warmer mouths licking, sucking, tonguing...oh, God!

  Nick. Last night he and Nick had...

  Oh. Holy. God.

  A powerful surge of need shot through his veins, making his limbs heavy and his balls tingle. It was mixed with a new, odd emotion that caused his chest to ache.

  But before he could ponder it further or name it--and damn it, it seemed incredibly important he did name it--the oddly magnified yet muffled words he'd heard earlier filled the morning air once more, having the effect of icy waves of water breaking over him and dashing away the moment of arousing contentment.

  "This is the U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary. Crew of the Out Of My Mind, are you okay? Do you need assistance? "

  "Oh, shit!"

  His heart pounding, Rafferty threw off the sleeping bag and the wool blanket twisted around his feet, slid off the berth, and, realizing he was stark naked, searched for something to put on.